So you’re feeling lonely and can’t find a date? Thinking of going online and looking for someone suitable for yourself? That’s a good move. However, be careful. There are many mistakes that people make and those are mistakes you should refrain from making. Don’t worry, I’m here to help you.
- It’s easy to have high expectations and be very choosy over the internet. This sense of being in control, of choosing, can feel really good. It makes you feel very powerful but you must fight it. If you want a real connection with someone — a relationship with someone you hope to love and will love you — you must bring your most mature and empathetic self to the front and think wisely. That means you shouldn’t say, “Ummn she’s cute but I would prefer a brunette to a blonde. Next!” You wouldn’t behave this way in person, so don’t do it online either.
- Don’t worry about particulars; her favourite color, restaurant, bars, movies, books or places she would like to visit. Instead, take in the broad strokes; does she live in the same city? Does she like to read? Does she seem intelligent?
- What’s important in evaluating a profile is the tone. You want to try and get to know what the person is like, which can be very difficult. Read between the line to understand how the person is; whether she is pleasant, friendly and reasonable, someone you would like to date, and someone who has your kind of temperament. Look carefully for signs of boastfulness or bitterness. Also, insincerity: the person who repeatedly claims to “absolutely love” his or her life just the way it is, to be “completely and totally” happy with everything in it. Such behaviour suggests this person might have issues being honest about her vulnerability or true intensions.
- Ignore most of the person’s obvious claims about his or her personality, for example, “I have a sense of humor about myself” or “I’m an optimistic person.” People can be unreliable reporters about themselves. This is not because they lie but because the way they see themselves is not how others see them.
- No matter profiles you have read online and no matter how well this girl or guy seems to correspond to your dream match, there’s still a lot you won’t be able to gather about him or her until you sit across at a coffee shop and talk. It doesn’t matter about his cute devotion to his 96-year-old grandmother. It’s about how he is as a person.
Don’t be a failure at online dating. It’s a rather easy way to meet people, but you have to play your cards right.
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