I’ve seen guys at strip clubs doing the stupidest things on earth to try to hook up with a stripper.

I’ve also seen guys at strip clubs have uncanny luck (or is it game?) hooking up with strippers.

Over time, I’ve decided to befriend the latter type and over some beers, grabbed some tips from them that I’ve thrown into my arsenal.  Fast forward a few years later, this is my official guide to picking up strippers.

How to Hook Up With Strippers

Everyone has at least one exotic dancer they have an absolute fetish for.  Maybe it’s a bubble butt, maybe it’s big tits, maybe it’s a combination of both.  Perhaps it’s her eyes, her curves, or even her personality.  Maybe she just flat out listens to your problems and that’s why you like her company!

Whatever the case may be, we’ve all been there.

Lots of guys attempt to win over a stripper with cash.  They buy a lap dance, then then go for more, and as soon as the woman has to go back on stage, they shower them with ones, fives, tens, or twenties.  These guys are going about it ALL WRONG.  Learn from their stupidity, because they are simply “Marks” according to the dancers.

If you want to bring a stripper back to your dwelling, you need to have something they want.  Nine times out of ten, it’s DRUGS.  Don’t believe me?  Read this entry at Vice.com.

Of course, having some game, or something else of value always works.  But let’s face it, there is a huge demand for drugs, and it’s no secret strip clubs get busted for distributing drugs from time to time.  A Miami Strip Club I frequent just had this happen to them.  Read about it here.

The drug of choice will vary from dancer to dancer, and from race to race.  There is meth, (yuck), weed (okay, I’m down for that), pills (depends on what mood I’m in), ecstasy, coke, you name it.  There are strippers that crave it all, and sometimes finding a way to her panties means finding out what she’s into.  Sometimes it’s as simple as having some booze.  Others will want something expensive that they can’t readily get.

(I’m not advocating anyone to go out and do anything illegal – I’m simply speaking from experience and those of who I consult with – including VICE.  Please obey all local and federal laws.)  

Okay, disclaimer out of the way, let me proceed….

This is paraphrased from what I read on Vice’s article about banging strippers, by CHRIS NIERATKO.  It’s not my own work, but I liked it so much, and it’s so spot on, that I had to abbreviate it and add it here because it’s the ultimate guide to banging strippers.

The White Woman / Blondies:

They love cocaine.  Nieratko suggests that if they are 18-28, they were born by parents who were “disco coke whores” or “yuppie coke sluts.”  Probably the best way to put it.  Regardless, he continues, the “coke slut gene has been inherited by their daughter.”

Classic.  

Tatted White Women Stripping:

Nieratko suggests they are all into pills of some sort.  From my experiences, I agree.  The punk rock chic with tats is someone who likes the ups, downs, lefts, rights of the world.  Pills are normally cheap, and let’s face it, most men aren’t into the grunge type, so this makes this a prime target for someone looking for some easy hook ups.

African American Strippers:

I hate to fall into the stereotype, but weed is a simple solution here.  Most African American people I know smoke weed at a higher rate when compared to friends of other races.  (Fact, not an assumption.) Nieratko agrees with this, citing that it’s the “cheapest drug on the market and easiest to obtain.”  He continues to suggest you talk about how awesome the weed is by citing lavish exaggerations that the weed was featured on High Times, and that rap stars use the same stuff.

Classic! 

The Rest of the Stripping Team:  

Nieratko lumps in Asians, Latins, Europeans, and all others in this category.  Suggesting that they all are outcasts and “want love,” he says to go right for ecstasy.

I can’t ever argue against that tactic, but from my personal experience, the Miami Russians don’t need any luring other than some green backs.  Some cash as a gift, upfront, is always welcome.  I’m never a guy to just give her a tip and hope she shows up, but when she does, leaving the money out in plain view is never a bad move.  You’ll have a blast.  Latins are abundant here in South Florida, and I’ve seen them range from wanting money, to drinking, to weed, (less weed than any other category) to harder stuff.  While I like the ones that just like to drink with me (safest, and cheapest) and enjoy the surroundings, I’ve seen it all from Latin women.  Watch out though, they can get very jealous if you hook up with them and then subsequently return to the same club and romance another stripper.  They will be very catty and fight for your affection and wallet.

With any women, always be careful.  Keep your valuables locked up if entertaining at your residence.  It’s always best to get to know a female at a hotel or other spot, but of course, everyone likes their own home. Just know that s0me people would argue (I’m not saying shit!) that strippers may be mentally unstable and more prone to stealing and or creating a situation you don’t want to be a part of.

Of course, if you aren’t the strip club type, you can read reviews of best adult dating sites and join one of them – these women are just as ready to get down and dirty as most strippers, and you won’t have to be seen in a dodgy, seedy establishment.  Personally, I don’t mind it and do BOTH!